When Toby and Anton were babies, life was full of craziness. We kept Anton’s crib in the bathroom for a while because it was the darkest room in our apartment. One time, I went to dinner with a male friend and discovered that my breast milk had inadvertently dripped onto the tablecloth. But, this morning when I was having coffee with my friend Nikki, she told me a story that still makes me laugh…
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Nicky said:
When I breastfed my first child, I was an overproducer and had a lot of clogged ducts. Luckily, I’m quick to spot a possible blockage and can usually fix it by pulling the nipple into my mouth and sucking it out before the blockage becomes severe.
But one day my entire left breast became very, very hard, like a rock. I couldn’t move or lift it at all. I tried to get my baby to suck it out but she couldn’t. I tried my pump but it didn’t help. I tried massaging my breasts in a warm bath.
Finally, I called my husband. I looked up from the tub and said, “Man, I need your help” and pointed at my nipples. His eyes were wide open and he said, “I don’t think I can do it.” But of course he knew he needed to. This is also our first Valentine’s Day after having a baby.
So, he got down on his knees and every few minutes I took my breasts out of the water and let him suck on them. He needed to suck really hard, so I would say, “Harder, harder!” and he would spit the milk into the tub. The bath water is cloudy with milk. He finally understood and sucked a few more times before he relaxed a little. He feels cool.
We now call our bathtub a crime scene.
I want people to know this happened! I have two early mom friends that I FaceTimed with from the bathtub And said, guess what just happened. We laughed and they both said, “If you asked me to do this, I would 100 percent do it in a heartbeat,” which was really, really nice. I feel like mom friends will do anything and tell each other anything. You never have to feel embarrassed. That’s how it should be.
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Nikki’s story reminded me of the TV show Catastrophe, when Sharon forgot her breast pump on a trip to Paris and Rob offered to pump milk from her sore breasts. (“At least I don’t shit myself when I do it,” he points out.)
And you? What are the funny things that have happened in your family? Being a parent is like a roller coaster ride! Maybe we should start a column called “Tales from the Trenches.”
PS Breastfeeding in public, from one child to two. Plus, “Why Formula Feeding Is Best for Us.”
