We welcomed our second baby boy into the world earlier this year. After an attempted VBAC (and a violent labor), he arrived like his older brother: by Cesarian. Despite their similar entrances, my fourth trimester has unfolded quite different. In a way, this is not March 2020, nor is it our first newborn rodeo. Regardless, I can confidently say that the road to postpartum recovery is a winding one. It’s complex and deeply personal. And postpartum sex? This was given a whole new meaning.
If you’re reading this because you’re wondering if you’ll ever feel like yourself again, or when your libido will return, you’re not alone. While some may think this is a delicate topic, we’re digging into what you need to know about sex after pregnancy. Don’t worry, there’s no need to rush the fun in the bedroom.
Edie Horstman
Edie is the founder of nutritional coaching company Wellness with Edie. Drawing on her background and expertise, she specializes in women’s health, including fertility, hormonal balance, and postpartum health.
body recovery process
From one mother to another, healing from birth──physically and Emotionally – it’s messy and nuanced. But generally speaking, the body’s initial recovery takes 6-8 weeks. Moderate to heavy bleeding is normal (called lochia). If you gave birth vaginally, you may experience perineal pain and/or stitches. About 1 month after delivery, I experienced bleeding.
Fast forward to eight weeks postpartum: Your belly will still look and feel different (especially if you have diastasis recti like me!), but your uterus should be back to its pre-pregnancy size. Regardless, recovery is gradual. During this time, sex may be the last thing on your mind.
How long should you wait before having sex?
In general, it is recommended to wait until after your postpartum checkup before resuming sexual activity. This occurs around six weeks after delivery. You need to consider the following factors:
- Physiotherapy: The details of childbirth aside, your body needs time to repair. This includes recovery of the perineum or surgical incision.
- bleeding: As mentioned before, lochia can last for weeks. You need to wait until the bleeding stops to reduce the risk of infection.
- Comfort and readiness: Of course, physical and emotional preparation are necessary. incredible important. Hormonal changes, fatigue and the demands of caring for a newborn may affect your desire and comfort in resuming your sex life.
Consult your healthcare provider to discuss any postpartum concerns and get personalized advice.
When will your sex drive return after giving birth?
For me, eight weeks postpartum was essentially a milestone in recovery, not a green light to return to intimacy. Between dealing with newborn care, sleep deprivation, and incision pain, the thought of sex had not been on my mind (for months). If you’re wondering when your libido will return, it might be a while! That is more than OK Factors that affect postpartum sexual desire include:
physical recovery
- Healing time: As mentioned before, it takes about 6-8 weeks for the body to heal after childbirth, but this can vary depending on the type of delivery and complications.
- breast-feeding: Breastfeeding reduces estrogen levels, which may reduce vaginal lubrication and libido.
hormonal changes
- Hormonal fluctuations: Hormones (estrogen and progesterone) drop significantly after childbirth, affecting sexual desire. These levels usually begin to stabilize in the first few months postpartum.
Emotional and psychological factors
- Stress and fatigue: Caring for a newborn can be tiring and stressful. Inevitably, this will affect your libido.
- Body image: Postpartum changes in body image and self-esteem can also affect sexual desire.
- Mental Health: Last but not least, postpartum depression and anxiety can significantly impact sexual desire.
Individual Differences
- Personal differences: Some people may see their sexual desire return within a few weeks, while for others (many of us!) it may take months or longer.
Be patient with yourself
becoming a mother is a Profound transformation. In an instant, you transform into the primary caregiver of a little person who depends on you for everything. This will inevitably affect how you view yourself sexually. My best advice? Be patient with yourself. The art of feeling comfortable in your skin is an ever-evolving practice (especially after pregnancy). It took me over a year – around the time of my first child – for my sexual desire to resurface. Fortunately, my husband provided unwavering support and gave me the recovery time I needed before resuming intimacy.
communication is key
Don’t shy away from expressing your feelings, fears, and (fluctuating) needs. This is good for both of you. Most importantly, it will spark new emotional and physical connections. When it comes to connection, remember that intimacy isn’t just about sex. It’s about supporting, respecting, and honing each other’s love language. Simple acts (holding hands, a long hug, etc.) can strengthen your connection and When you’re both ready, pave the way for restorative intimacy.
Do my partner’s sexual feelings feel different after giving birth?
most likely, Yes. Several factors may cause these changes:
- The vagina undergoes significant changes during childbirth. It can be more relaxing and may give both parties a different feeling. Over time, the vaginal muscles can regain some tone, especially through exercises such as Kegel exercises.
- If you experience tearing or have had an episiotomy, scar tissue may affect the sensation and comfort of you and your partner.
- As mentioned before, postpartum hormonal fluctuations can affect vaginal lubrication, which may make intercourse feel different. Using lubricant can help.
Having sex for the first time after a C-section may not feel great! In addition to vaginal lubricants, your doctor can help by recommending certain sexual positions.
Loss of libido normalized
If you take one piece of guidance from this article, it’s this: It’s okay to feel like you’re not ready. One of the most important things to understand is that a lack of sexual desire long after childbirth is normal. For some women, it can take months or even longer before they feel that desire again! This doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or your relationship. Instead of comparing your intimacy timeline to that of other mom friends, give yourself grace.
When to ask for help
If you’re worried about your lack of sexual desire (or that it’s causing serious distress in your relationship), consider talking to a health care professional. Ideally, a therapist who specializes in postpartum conditions. They can provide guidance, examine any potential issues and suggest solutions.
If sex makes you physically uncomfortable or painful, discuss it with your doctor right away. There may be medical solutions that can help, such as pelvic floor therapy or hormonal therapy.
Does breastfeeding affect your sex drive?
Yes – significant. The hormones involved in breastfeeding (prolactin and oxytocin) can suppress ovulation and reduce estrogen levels. This often results in vaginal dryness and decreased libido. Interestingly, I found this to be true when I breastfed my first child. My body was completely focused on raising my son and my libido took a back seat. Using lubricant can help relieve dryness, but it’s also important to communicate how you’re feeling with your partner. If you’re not ready yet, that’s okay! The focus should be on mutual understanding and patience.
Tips for managing postpartum sexual desire
If you’re eager to get the drama going, there are a number of ways to support your postpartum libido.
- Have open and honest conversations with your partner.
- Focus on foods that increase libido.
- Engage in regular physical activity (to increase endorphins).
- Discover new ways to feel sexy! Feeling good about your body can have a positive impact on your sex drive. Buy yourself new lingerie, pamper yourself, or participate in activities that make you feel confident and attractive.
- Set realistic expectations. Focus on step-by-step improvements and celebrate small milestones in your return to intimacy.
Embrace your new normal
For most people, resuming sex after pregnancy is a long process. For me, this is a process that requires patience, communication, and self-compassion. Ultimately, it’s important to prioritize your health and move at a pace that works for you you. Remember, it’s okay to not feel ready yet and it’s okay to ask for help if you need it! Your body has gone through a remarkable transformation and it deserves to feel like your body again all the time.
