Here’s my guilty admission: I’m the one who ruined my vacation because of my own expectations. Although it fails every time, I think everyone in my family will be 100% satisfied with our trip. It doesn’t matter where we go! New York, Woodstock, the Florida Keys? Come on, people! pick up!
Does this work? God no. Predictably, there were moments of joy, but also moments of grumbling, street corner altercations and a few tears. Also, I’m trying really hard not to yell, “We’re on vacation! Stop complaining! Everyone needs to be nice!”
I have a hard time taking vacations (or as every parent knows, travel) just be what they are – a complex mix, like all days are: good, bad, lonely, magical, frustrating, beautiful. When I mentioned to a friend that my husband and I were arguing while my daughter was happily jumping on the trampoline outside, she responded bluntly, “It wouldn’t be a holiday without a fight.”
***
Whenever we travel, I am in awe of my husband’s steadiness. Train canceled? He found a solution. He never lost a hotel key. He can carry any heavy object. He doesn’t mind sitting next to strangers. But sometimes I also want to strangle him because why does he need to use another bathroom!
I feel the same way about my daughter: although she is a teenager traveling alone with her parents, she generally enjoys walking and exploring. And (also!), I can never handle the eye roll or the “but how Is it far?
Sometimes when I get home I think, What is all this for?
Recently, however, traveling has made me realize that I don’t care about showing my kids historical sights or climbing beautiful mountain trails. All I want is the closeness of my family, but that’s never guaranteed. Anyone who has been cursed with my particular problem knows that the pressure to make everyone happy and perfect makes it impossible for anyone to truly experience those things. It’s much easier to queue up to see the Mona Lisa.
The holidays are full of hope: that we will unplug, relax, and fall in love. We will all be the best version of ourselves! Together! But we don’t become different people, and sometimes our kids just don’t care about the Grand Canyon. Children are children and parents are parents, no matter where we are. Sometimes we discover that our abilities are so great. Other times, we feel our limitations. Sometimes we hear from our teens that the best part is that the hotel lobby has a waffle maker and those waffles taste absolutely delicious.
Maybe the key is not to hold on to it all—the joys and disappointments, the epic expectations and the epic realities. Hold it all in the loose palms with the ones you love.
Abigail Rasminsky is a writer and editor living in Los Angeles. She teaches creative writing at the Keck School of Medicine of USC and writes the weekly newsletter People + Bodies. She has also written for Cup of Jo on a variety of topics, including marriage, preteens, and only children.
PS No. 1 tips for enjoying a family trip, plus vacation tips from a seven-year-old guide.
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