Like many women, I’ve always had a complicated relationship with ambition. As a young Millennial, I was taught that getting good grades would get me into a good college and a good job. Of course, once I reach these milestones, the drive to stay “good” keeps me motivated to continue my relentless ambition. Of course, that comes with accolades and external validation (although never enough to satisfy a perfectionist with the ups and downs of the recovery journey), and I find that I can never take a moment to sit down, stop, and breathe. That’s why when I pick up ambition monster By Jennifer Romolini I’m ready to be seen. But I wasn’t ready for this book to change my life.
Featured image is from Michelle Nash’s interview with Iskra Lawrence.
Interview with Jennifer Romorini, author of “Ambition Monsters”
In a world where ambition is often equated with relentless drive, the conversation around what ambition means for women has never been more important. As we re-discuss what success looks like in our careers and lives, many of us want to carve out a path that aligns with what we truly want. exist ambition monsterRomorini bravely reveals the complexities of ambition—how it fuels our professional ambitions but also leaves us mired in self-doubt.
It was not just her insights but Romolini’s fearless personal reflections on her career aspirations that were eye-opening. Her biting humor, combined with the honest, often brutal truth about putting your ambition above all else, inspired my own understanding. In the post-Girlboss era, where the hustle and bustle is no longer covered in millennial pink, this book becomes a roadmap to living a meaningful life beyond the pursuit of success.
Next, Romolini shares the revelations that inspired this gripping and thought-provoking book. She encourages us to change our perspectives, urging us to redefine our aspirations in life and break free from the limitations of external pressures. Dive into the conversation below.
exist ambition monsteryou explore the dark side of ambition─especially for women. What prompted you to discuss this topic so candidly?
My career had been going fast and hard for over a decade, but after a health crisis forced me to slow down, I started to realize how crap my life actually was. How little time I spent with family or friends, how lonely, sad and isolated I felt, even though to the outside world I looked like I had it all.
Successful people rarely talk about this. In this country, we tend to conflate career success with happiness. I want to unpack this a little bit because I think it might help other women who find themselves similarly staring into the abyss of their careers and thinking, “Wait, is this all?”
Workaholics are often romanticized, especially among women who are trying to “have it all.” How do you think this affects women’s mental health and their personal and professional relationships?
What often happens is that we fall into this fantasy of one-size-fits-all success. We imagine a life that looks good to the outside world, one that brings us satisfaction by doing the things we think we “should” do, when in fact what makes us happiest, or at least most content, is knowing who we are , what we want. And use this information to chart our own unique course. In the pursuit of achievement, we may abandon our truest needs and desires, leading to soul decay in disconnection from self and others, burnout, and numbness.
There is a cultural narrative that links women’s worth to their achievements. How do you think this narrative fuels addictive ambition, and how can women begin to move away from it?
One way to avoid mindless overwork is to become hyper-focused and aware of the life you really want, and to learn how to protect that life and peace at all costs.
- What is important to you?
- What are you willing to invest your time in?
- Does your job allow you to live your values?
- What steps do you need to take to get better at living a meaningful and connected life?
I like to work, but I also have some extremely I should have left those toxic “dream” jobs years earlier. Sometimes we were scared that if we got out of the car, they wouldn’t let us back. We didn’t consider whether to participate in the above event in the first place.
In a world where success is often equated with burnout, do you believe women can find a healthy balance between ambition and happiness? How do you define this balance?
The questions I just raised can help us get closer to equilibrium. Never say yes to something when you really want to say no. I’m stereotyping a bit here, but from my experience women – more than men – tend to want to please. We are solvers and we crave the positive reinforcement that comes from achieving unrealistic goals, going above and beyond, and doing a better job than necessary. Part of this is systemic – in a patriarchal society we have to prove ourselves more than men – but I’ve found that breaking this “good girl at work” cycle and bringing more of the B game to work, I breathed a sigh of relief.
What do you hope readers take away from it? ambition monster About the emotional cost of relentless ambition and the possibility of redefining success on your own terms?
I hope that Workaholics readers will come away with an urge to blow everything up, re-route their own lives, and, where possible, prioritize themselves over work, along with curiosity/joy/pleasure. I’ve heard from several readers that they’ve taken my books into therapy. I can’t think of a higher compliment.
