For better or worse, social media is now a part of our lives. It affects the way we socialize, work and connect with our communities. It’s nearly impossible to do without, and I’m often super envious of people who don’t use it at all. In 2023, there will be an estimated 4.9 billion social media users worldwide, with each person spending an average of 145 minutes on social media every day. I don’t know about you, but I can think of better things to do than spend two-plus hours a day on my phone.
It’s crazy that social media didn’t exist in the form it does now when I started working as an entertainment publicist in 2005. A year from now, Twitter (now X) will hit the cultural zeitgeist, and we’ll begin to understand just how fast the world is connecting.
Featured image comes from our interview with Sanetra Nere Longno.
Because I chose a career that relies heavily on social media and keeping up with trends, I am constantly reevaluating and adjusting my actions and boundaries with various platforms. It took a few iterations, and a lot of reflection on my time and usage, but once I started asking myself a few key questions and changing my behavior in game-changing ways, I was in a good place.
Now, these are the social media “rules” and boundaries I practice to ensure my relationship with the platform remains healthy – a source of connection and inspiration.
Friends get the news before strangers
It’s simple, but no major life event or change happens on social media until my inner circle, dear friends or family get the news. Regardless, I’ve largely decided to keep this type of news off social media so that a large part of my personal life remains private. However, if I were to share an update of any kind, I would think about it before posting.“Does my best girlfriend know about this?” If the answer is no, it will not be shared.
Am I willing to engage with the content I share?
I love sharing good stuff. Whether it’s a candle scam, stealing a beautiful dress, or a product I actually love – it’s all fair game. However, these types of posts often generate a lot of questions and responses. So before posting I will ask myself: Would I like to participate? If the answer is no, I won’t post anything. I love helping and want my community to count on me, but if I’m tired or exhausted and don’t take the time to respond, I won’t post about it.
Holidays are about living in the moment
Camille did an incredible job traveling for her 40th birthday. She was very intentional about disconnecting early, even sharing in her newsletter that she deleted the Instagram app while away. What a gift to give yourself.
This is how I see it. If I spend thousands of dollars on travel, especially going to new places, only to be on my phone the whole time…well, I can do this at home. This is a huge exercise for me, but I prefer to take all the photos I can while traveling, live in the moment, and then if I want to share when I get back, I will. Of course, there are some serendipitous moments where I post from another country only to find out a friend is there too so we can meet up. It was fun, but if I wanted to next time I would post ahead of time that I was going to a specific location and hopefully have friends there. TL;DR: I’m posting about my travels back Should I decide to do this?
Note: You can use the word “vacation” instead of dinner, gathering with friends, spending time with family, etc. Because that was a moment I would never get back.
Why am I sharing this?
This is a question I often ask myself. Of course, we’re overanalyzing the answer, but I also think it’s a valid question worth reflecting on. One thing I notice about professional leaders I admire is that they rarely use social media to share. They are passive users because they check what is going on in the world at all times but rarely post about themselves.
These are the questions that guide what I ultimately post:
- Is there a moment I want to document?
- Do I amplify other people’s voices or work?
- Is the content I share useful?
- Will this connect or create community?
These are the things I most want to post and share. What if the intention behind my post doesn’t check one of those boxes? I’ll happily keep that to myself.
Are you interacting with people or pages that make you happy?
If the answer is no, your options are simple: mute or untrack. There are some pages or people that I follow because of a specific time or period in my life. Case in point: I’m still adhering to a non-drinking lifestyle, so following alcohol pages, or seeing people post cringe-worthy things they did while drunk, isn’t helpful in my current life. So, I choose to mute or untrack. This is probably the simplest boundary we can set for ourselves.
Take advantage of your settings: quiet mode, time limits, turn off notifications
My life got better when I turned off Instagram notifications. I have a habit of responding quickly when someone reaches out or comments on a story or post. As a result, I felt like a prisoner and even started to hate being active on the platform. I also set time limits and give myself 30 minutes a day and use quiet mode at night so anyone who messages me knows I won’t reply. To me, this is the best form of self-care.
What else can I do with my time?
I recently listened to this episode of Mel Robbin’s podcast where she had Dr. Kanojia (Dr. K) as a guest. He is a Harvard-educated psychiatrist who specializes in modern mental health and the impact of technology on the brain. This is a must listen for everyone.
What really shocked me was when they talked about why we feel tired all the time. There are many factors at play, but in the context of social media, we can attribute hours of scrolling and browsing content to our attention span. Since I listened to the podcast, every time I pick up my phone to play Doom Scrolls, I ask myself what else could I do? What would be more productive? I give myself a few minutes (actually, a few minutes at most) to scroll and then start working on the task at hand. As a result, my productivity skyrocketed.
takeout
Readers, I have found a direct correlation between not drinking alcohol and using less social media. When asked if I miss alcohol, I thought about how I miss drinking a margarita or a Sprite on the patio on a hot summer day. But a margarita or a sprite wasn’t the issue, what was important was how many I drank and how I felt the next day.
The same goes for my use of social media. Spending 5 to 10 minutes a day on social media is not a problem. Instead, it’s time to scroll, not to mention the way it makes me feel. I often end these scrolling sessions feeling like I’m missing out on something, or negatively comparing myself to others. That took me out of the present moment and I became a victim of the attention economy. When I think about the only moment I have right now—the present moment—I want to do things that make me feel happy, calm, content, and relaxed.
I can’t get rid of social media, but I can control how it fits into my life. I hope these tips and considerations are helpful and make you feel a little more at ease as you learn how to navigate social use. Trust me: As long as you don’t always take other people’s lives to heart, it will.
