I always felt like I was the wrong person. I’m reading Annabel Monaghan’s Beach Reads, summer romance When I saw these words. So far this book has been light-hearted and enjoyable – a fun way for me to escape my everyday life. But when I heard this statement, I paused, captivated by its truth and resonance. Like many people, I’ve always felt a bit awkward and unsure of what to say or how to act in social situations. That’s why I’ve always gravitated toward etiquette, understanding arbitrary rules as a roadmap for life. However, as I get older, I realize the importance of trusting my own abilities and embracing a quiet confidence. For guidance, I turned to a confidence coach for answers, and I was fascinated by what she shared.
Featured image is from Michelle Nash’s interview with Iskra Lawrence.
How to Stay Confident – Advice from a Confidence Coach
Especially for women, confidence—or lack thereof—extends to every aspect of our lives. It defines how we feel about our bodies, friendships, and careers (imposter syndrome, anyone?). Because we’re so used to making ourselves smaller in every way, connecting with our innate sense of confidence doesn’t just feel like a challenge. Many times, this seems impossible.
I connected with Amsterdam-based life and confidence coach Daniela Russo not only because of her expertise and training, but also because her personal story revealed the reality of confidence. When I asked Russo what her journey to confidence has been like, she described an experience that many women can relate to. She remembers not feeling special or “good enough.”
But she kept working hard to pursue her goals, and when she moved to Rome to attend college, her hard work started to pay off. By combining her goals with an action plan (an approach that anchors on Plan A, Plan B, etc.), she proves that achieving her dreams requires “the right amount of hard work and determination.” Russo said that’s when she started to believe in herself.
This proves that confidence is a practice that we can all build for ourselves. Next, Russo shares tips to help you find your unique voice, demonstrate your worth, and enter all areas of your life with confidence.
Daniella Russo
Daniela Russo is a life coaching coach based in Amsterdam. After a successful career as a lawyer and more than 15 years working for humanitarian aid organizations around the world, she decided to dedicate herself to coaching and helping people find meaning. She is a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming® Master Practitioner and specializes in combining NLP techniques, quizzes, exercises, and guided meditations. Over the past few years, she has helped hundreds of people find greater clarity in their lives and reconnect with themselves, growing confidence and trust in their abilities. Daniela has worked with entrepreneurs, doctors, psychologists, coaches, teachers and people from all backgrounds.
How do you define confidence? How does life feel when you live from a place of confidence?
There are many misconceptions about faith. It is often confused with self-esteem or considered an innate personality trait. (Either you’re born with confidence or you’re not.) But Russo gave it the perfect definition, telling me “Confidence isn’t something you have, it’s something you create.” For the doubters, she added this surprising An encouraging note: You can build confidence at any time.
“Confidence is a sense of strength within you, a sense of certainty that you can do something,” Russo asserts. She added that no one has bottom line, sustained confidence. Instead, she describes the key as being able to open it when needed and inspiring confidence in you.
Success Cycle and the Power of Belief
Russo says your beliefs are one of the key factors in your confidence. If you have the ability to do something, but say to yourself: I’ve never done this before so I probably won’t succeed, You are less likely to reach your potential.
She relates this to the Success Cycle, a model that explains why success leads to more success and failure leads to failure. Russo explains the motivation behind your belief and how it can put you on the path to success and stay successful.
When you fail, your brain looks back on the moment as evidence—essentially See, I told you. This starts to set up a cycle and can build a reinforced belief pattern. Your brain accepts this experience as fact, and in turn, you have less confidence in yourself and it becomes more challenging to realize your potential and take action. “You get worse outcomes,” Russo said, “and now you’re really in a downward spiral.”
But, she quickly adds – the opposite is also true. “When you know you’re going to succeed, you tap into more potential and take more action. From there, you get great results.
Just like a success cycle can push you further into a failure cycle, it can also produce positive results. “At this point, your belief system says, No matter what I do, I will succeed. Whatever I do produces great results.
“Your faith becomes stronger. Now you are in a success cycle that will push you to a whole new level. That’s how faith is formed.
What can people expect from working with a Confidence Coach?
“A confidence coach can help you stop doubting yourself and your abilities,” says Russo. She points out several other benefits of working with a confidence coach:
- You can learn to set clear boundaries and improve your communication skills.
- You can handle daily challenges with ease.
- You may feel happier in your life and more fulfilling in your career.
- You’ll learn how to better control your emotions and overcome your fears and limiting beliefs.
- By the end of the coaching process, you will care less about what others think of you.
Signs You May Need to Work with a Confidence Coach
- You compare yourself to others and feel like your peers are better than you.
- Despite some success, you remain insecure about yourself and doubt your abilities.
- You put pressure on yourself to meet high standards.
- You are often afraid to speak up in work meetings and fear being judged.
- You have high expectations of yourself, and even small mistakes can make you question your abilities.
Confidence Coach reveals 5 tips for boosting your confidence
Ahead, Russo shares her top five tips to help you build confidence. From there, you can experience the personal growth and professional success that comes with confidence. Once you develop self-confidence, you can approach life with determination and enjoy the joy and expansion behind every challenge.
1. Stop seeking approval
Stop looking for approval and validation. The more you seek it, the less you get. Confident people don’t care what others think of them. Approval-seeking behavior is normal to an extent, but the problems begin when you start comparing yourself to others. You will always find someone better than you.
Accept the fact that no matter what you do, no one will like you. Rejection is a part of your life, it’s inevitable. You’ll never get everyone’s approval and approval (trying to do so can be destructive).
make it happen: Instead, instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to yourself. Did you try your best? What progress have you made?
2. Break out of your comfort zone
One of the most important traits of successful people is their willingness to push beyond their comfort zone. Are they afraid? certainly!
Every time you push outside of your comfort zone, you expand it.
Your comfort zone is like a muscle—you can’t make it grow without a little sweat. Every time you do something that scares you, you make the fear smaller and become more and more comfortable with uncomfortable things. Most successful people are willing to take calculated risks and accept that certain situations will make them uncomfortable. However, they realize the potential rewards are much greater than the temporary discomfort. Be that person.
make it happen: What activity scares you? Recognize it and make a conscious decision to do it. Set a time and face your fears.
3. Pay attention to your body language
Pay attention to your posture and pay attention to your body language. Instead of bending over, looking down, or losing eye contact, try to consciously stand up straight. Lift your head. When walking, always maintain a sense of direction. These small changes can have a huge impact on how you feel.
make it happen: Notice how good posture feels. Take note of your energy and how confident you feel. Next time you feel like crossing your arms or slouching, consciously notice and switch to a more confident, open posture.
4. Imitate confident people
Speak the way they speak. Dress like them. Move the way they move. Modeling is based on the concept that there is no need to reinvent the wheel unless necessary. If you’re trying to do something that has been done by others, don’t try to be original just for the sake of being original. Instead, learn from the best and let their path to success inspire you.
make it happen: Think of someone you admire whose success reflects a milestone you want to achieve. For example: Someone builds a thriving business, runs a marathon, or writes a book. Study their path to success and commit to learning from it. What works for them? How can you use this information to lay the foundation for your own journey?
5. Make a promise to yourself and keep it
You can start small – something simple that you know you can achieve. Celebrate when you accomplish that. Speak loudly to yourself and admit that you have started doing this and that you did it. This helps you build your credibility.
make it happen: Choose something you can do by the end of the day. Write it on your to-do list and prioritize it. At the end of the day, soak in the feeling of accomplishment and let it fuel further success.
